One of the Reasons I'm So Spoiled

Eight years ago this week my grandfather made his transition to his eternal home. From time-to-time when I’m cutting, rigging, or tying something up, I remember his MacGyveresque antics. He was so funny. In my box of treasures I keep a one-paragraph letter he wrote me while I was in college. It probably contained a tightly wrapped $10 or $20 bill.


During his last months of life, he sat down and patched together a pair of pants. He had numerous pairs he had never worn, however, he was a good ole’ country boy who enjoyed simple things. You know, like fried bologna sandwiches.

My grandmother constantly reminds me, “they don’t make them like that anymore.” Yes, Louise, I know.

During one of our final conversations, I sat at the foot of his bed and we began to talk. He could understand why I had secured a bachelor’s degree, as he had sent four of his five children to college. However, he couldn’t understand why I had quit my job to pursue my master’s degree. (He got sick during my first semester and died during the first week of my second.) He wasn’t asking to discourage me. He just could not understand what the extra schooling would amount to. Well, I told him it would possibly mean a better job and more money. He understood that answer, shook his head, and rested.

A few years ago, a nun who is a family associate asked for a copy of the words I spoke at my grandfather’s funeral. Well, let’s just say I never fulfilled that request. I guess, I felt I wanted to allow those words to remain in that moment. This week, in honor of my maternal grandfather, William Simmons, Jr., (1922-2000) I would like to share an excerpt from that tribute. It is a little lengthy, but after reading, you will have a better sense of why I have become the woman I am. He’s one of the reasons I work hard and I use my head "for more than a hat rack." He's also one of the reasons I'm so spoiled! (If only I could find another man with that spoiler DNA!)

I sung a few verses of "Walk With Me Lord" before giving the following tribute. (These are my personal notes written a day or so before the funeral, so very little editing was done):


So often when family and friends gather to remember their loved ones who have made the transition from this world to the next, people, preachers stand up and talk so well about the deceased that some in attendance have to verify that they’re at the right person’s funeral.
Well, today we are here to celebrate the life of William Simmons Jr. , a man devoted to God, his family and his community. See, William doesn’t need any help from us nor does he need to be preached into heaven, because he’s already there. But today we come to celebrate his life and thank God for sharing him with us. William was truly a designer’s original. For me, he may be imitated but never duplicated. God gave him a servant’s spirit. Some people like to lead, some like to follow, but William loved to serve. And he served with vigor, passion and faithfulness. If he’s done something for you, you can say what that is. But to his family he’s been a good provider, a counselor, a chauffeur, mechanic, a concierge, a private investigator, a laundry attendant, and the list goes on and on, on. And while others may not want to admit it, for me he’s was a banker and a loan officer.

Yes, we’ve cried, screamed and possibly even questioned God during this ordeal, but for me these are tears of joy. We can rejoice knowing that William got a seat in the kingdom. We can rejoice because no longer will his body be racked with pain. We can rejoice because William didn’t just find the Lord on his deathbed, but because he has known him most of his life he was able to talk with him and prepare his family days before his death. As a family, we can rejoice because while he may have not left us loads of earthly possessions, he left us with a foundation. To his family he left his work ethic, his dedication, his business sense, his love and respect for people, and his love for Christ. He wasn’t a man of foolishness or confusion. If one of his children ever complained or said something about the other he would say, “I just want you all to get along.” When one did something good for the other he would say, “I just like to see you all helping one another.”

He taught us the importance of hard work and working for what you want in life. Deddy, didn’t have an MBA or a Ph.D. [he actually had what we would equate to a middle school education], but he had common sense and course work in the University of Life. When he advised on money or business affairs, he would say to me, “Use your head for more than a hat rack.” While simple words, they penetrate my mind each time I’m about to make a major purchase.

He valued education and he encouraged our endeavors. As my aunt Wanda would say, if it had something to do with school you could get it out of him. I’ll never forget when I was in elementary school and my teacher introduced us to a book called a "thesaurus." A book that gives you Big words to use. I came home from school and I said “Deddy, I need a thesaurus.” He said, “A what?” I said, A book that will give me bigger words to use when I write, He said. Well where do you get one of those from? I said, “I guess a book store or something.” He didn’t say anything else. I sat there and finished my homework and a few minutes later he came out the room, fully dressed with his hat in hand. That hat in his hands meant we had a little trip to take. I got my thesaurus and while the binding is a little shaky and a few pages are missing, I still use those big words today. About three weeks ago he was asking me how school was going, I told him if I could ever got started on my thesis, school would be going a whole lot better. Probably not even knowing what a thesis was, he sat up in bed and said, “You just keep fighting.” When I got home I thought about what he said and cried. I thought, “how could this man who is stairing death in the face have the courage and energy to tell me to keep fighting?”

William not only valued the secular education but at an early age I saw how he treasured the Christian education. One of my most vivid memories as a child happened one Sunday morning. He had already loaded me in the car and we sat in front of the house waiting for my mother. He was the angriest I had ever seen him. I’m pretty sure by this time in his life he realized that Lovie wasn’t his child that valued a watch, but I later I realized that he may have been so angry because she was late, but he knew we needed to be on time for Sunday School. He knew that if he trained us up in the way we should go we would not depart from it. Well, we haven’t. He always thanked God that all of his children were working in the church.
But think about it, it wasn’t hard to do. It’s not like we had a father or grandfather who just dropped us off for church. But after he dropped us off he got dressed and went to church himself.

Being a God-fearing family has helped us cope with the lost of William, because we know in our hearts that God’s will was done. Our will would have been for him to stay with us just a little bit longer. But we knew in our hearts that he was God’s and he had to return to his Creator. He wanted to return to his Creator. He worked hard to get home.

What my grandfather’s death has taught me is the importance of living a good life. As my grandmother said, “so you live, so you die.” He lived in peace and he died in peace. When the Hospice nurse came for her last visit on Friday she said, “I’ve never seen one man have so many women fighting over him.” We thank God for giving us the strength to take care of him with the same enthusiasm and vigor he took care of us.

But how could we not care for him, “To whom much is given much is required.”

In life and as he approached death, he never complained. William was never one to accept an invitation to a pity party. When I would complain about my job, my lack of money, or anything else I lacked in life, he would simply say, “Pray for long life.”

So family, we’ve done all we could do. Now we must do all we can to keep his memory, his values, and his life lessons alive. We must remember that he wants us all to get along and help one another and we must take up where he left off in caring for his mate. Williams supported his wife in all of her endeavors. Louise may have sold the Stanley Home Products, but he was the stock clerk and deliveryman. No matter what disagreements they may have had, he always made sure she had all of her needs and a majority of her wants.

Today as we leave here to lay our beloved William to rest let us all remember the reason or the thing that made us love him so much. If we can just take that one thing and incorporate that in our lives. Not only can we remember the legacy of William Simmons Jr., but also collectively make this world a better place.