Don’t Jump

Last week was one for the record books. In addition to having a virus, I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my academic career. I am a soprano but I sounded like a bass; I did not have time to be ill. While I could not physically sit up on Tuesday, on Wednesday, I got the supernatural strength needed to put out the acres of fires spreading in my life. Around noon on Wednesday, I was simply through dealing. I was crying, blowing my nose, and trying to keep it together. I had prayed, but I needed to talk. I reached for my home phone and quickly scanned through the Caller ID for the Ohio call. The phone just rang, and rang, and rang, and I was about to hang up before hearing “hello.” I said the same and just started groanin’.and moanin’. I did not have to say much more. My sister friend/ prayer partner knew in that moment that I was under an attack. I did not go into that much detail about the situation before she responded as if she were a village elder. We are about the same age, but that homegrown Southern wisdom knew exactly what to say. She reminded me of God’s promises and rebuked me for any statements that did not line up with it. “We don’t receive that report,” she said to such comments. For example, earlier in that day I had spoken with one of my professors and had said, “I’ll leave here empty handed with no degree before I leave here without my sanity. Twenty years from now another degree won’t do me any good if I’m crazy.” From the very beginning, I promised myself I was going to complete this degree in my right mind.

Before we prayed together, she reminded me, “You are the descendant of the ones who chose to live.” By this time, I was having one of those Elizabeth and Mary moments where the baby is leaping. What she was referring to was the Middle Passage, the middle leg of the voyage for African slaves on their way to the New World. Whether through sickness or suicide, it is estimated that 10 to 20 percent of Africans did not survive the journey. Some jumped overboard while others starved themselves to death. (I feel sick even considering the travelling conditions. You can read basic info about the passage at http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part1/1p277.html)

We each prayed and encouraged one another. I felt a release in my spirit after I hung up, and all I could hear was “don’t jump.” I had no plans of taking my life, but it was a situation where I could have lost my mind if I did not have something larger to embrace.

Beloved, I could not wait for the flames to cool so I could sit down and write this entry.

Recently, we have all seen the reports of people taking their lives and that of their family members due in part to our nation’s financial crisis. For many, life has become too hard to navigate. Just last year, my town dealt with a similar case after a former banker took the life of his wife and their four adopted kids. I will never forget the photo of the six white caskets on the front page of the newspaper.

“Things couldn’t get that bad,” we say as we hear these reports. Last week was bad, but something deep down inside of me reminded me that I had to run on to see what the end was going to be. My prayer partner’s words reinforced that. Since being here, I have heard of the suicide of at least one graduate student. In addition to the stress that comes with the territory, he was living with mental illness. “There but for the grace of God, go I.”

Life is hard.

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 that although we are cast down we are unconquered. If you are more familiar with Mary J. Blige, you may recall she said it like this, “I came to the edge of the ledge, but I didn’t jump. ‘My life’ will sum it up; you can’t hold a good woman down.”

No matter how we deal with our issues, the most important thing is that we deal with them. While prayer and faith in God definitely works, we may also need to seek the help of professional counselors and therapists. While some things can only be worked out with prayer and fasting, others may require medical intervention. It is okay to say the load is too heavy. It is also just fine to say the word some of us have banished from our vocabularies: NO. Last week, someone asked about my blog and I explained that if I had anything left it was on reserve. I needed it to encourage myself.

The month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month and Thursday, May 7 is National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day. This month, take the time to assess your mental health. As I mentioned earlier, I cannot complete my divine assignment if my mind is not right. The same holds true for you. Most insurance plans or employers cover counseling visits and there are free services available from various agencies in each community.

No matter how you choose to deal with your issues, just remember these two words: “don’t jump.” God is not through with you yet!

I thank God for those of you who keep me lifted in prayer. May God continue to bless and keep all of you in health and peace!

Arlecia